Redefining your adult relationships: A step-by-step guide to personal reinvention
In a nutty, no-bull world, you'd probably do a wild double take if your old man was a real-life bully. Imagine those rough times as a kid, where he'd hold back the warmth and affection, and be sharp as a tack whenever things went south.
As you entered adulthood, chances are you'd start catering to the fellas in your life - scared to be knocked back or left in the lurch.
The pain of yore and its prolonged impact are calling out for some reparenting, says Nicole Johnson, a licensed professional counselor in Boise, Idaho.
So many of us are stumbling around with wounds from the past that are shaping our relationships, choices, and coping mechanisms - and we've yet to make that connection, she adds.
Enter the scene with reparenting: it's not about being a candy kid or wallowing in the past - but rather, it's a therapeutic technique that could save you and generations to come from a whole heap of pain.
People often treat themselves and their emotions just like they were treated by their parents. Reparenting is all about relearning how to respond to yourself better.
"Reparenting is a process where you learn how to identify where you need to be raised, where you need to grow yourself up," Johnson adds. "This is cultivating and implementing tools and new beliefs and perspectives for how you're treating yourself now."
The work behind it might be tough, but it's worth it. Johnson, the author of "Reparenting Your Inner Child," points out that it helps us learn to navigate through incomprehensible situations that have been left unattended, dealing with our pain and those of our older generations.
Couldn't be simpler when you have a bullying dad, right? Let those lingering feelings of childhood traumas be, but recognize that healing is essential nonetheless. That healing may require responding to your inner child the way you wished your parents had back then - with warmth, love, and firm boundaries. It's not about shouting or shaming but nurturing and guiding when necessary. Indulging in the things a younger you would have loved could help in this process as well!
In short, it's all about compassion and self-validation. Teach yourself to recognize the feelings your inner child is experiencing and make adult decisions based on what they need. It's not about enabling poor behavior, but creating a space for healing and growth. Compassion for oneself often translates to more empathy towards others.
If ever the signs of reparenting call out to you, remember: trauma isn't just physical violence or neglect. Emotional unavailability or chaos at home could leave deep wounds on your inner child. Pay attention to the way you talk to yourself, and if you notice self-guilt, low self-esteem, anxiety around authority figures, or difficulty opening up in relationships, you might need to teach yourself how to handle those situations now.
Ready to get started? Start simple by identifying the traumas that show up in your life and making changes to heal them. Every small act of kindness towards yourself is a form of reparenting. If you've had a bully for a dad, identify what you're feeling now (such as fear of being rejected or criticized) and then reassure yourself with warmth and positivity.
Forming a relationship with your inner child can help you address your wounds more effectively. This might involve indulging in things a younger you would have loved, like watching a movie or making a favorite dish. Some people find it helpful to make their wounded inner child visible by finding a photo from a time of trauma or painting an image for them.
Then, give your inner child what they needed during their time of hurt. Healing your traumas can lead to emotional regulation, healthier relationships, and increased self-trust. Working with a therapist can provide perspective, tools, and support as you go through this profound process of personal transformation.
- Reparenting, a therapeutic technique, could be the answer to healing the wounds from the past that are shaping relationships, choices, and coping mechanisms in adulthood.
- The process of reparenting involves learning to identify where one needs to grow, cultivating new tools, beliefs, and perspectives for treating oneself better.
- Reparenting is not about wallowing in the past, but a method that could save one and generations to come from unnecessary pain in the future.
- In a healing journey, one might indulge in things a younger self would have loved, such as watching a movie or making a favorite dish, as part of reclaiming personal growth and mental health.
- Working with a therapist can offer perspective, tools, and support while going through the transformative process of reparenting, aiding in emotional regulation, establishing healthier relationships, and increasing self-trust.
