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How a Harvard professor turns heated debates into respectful conversations

Political clashes don’t have to end in anger. One Harvard scholar’s personal experiment with her conservative father-in-law proves there’s a smarter way to argue.

A group of people sitting in chairs are talking to each other. There is couple standing aside.
A group of people sitting in chairs are talking to each other. There is couple standing aside.

How a Harvard professor turns heated debates into respectful conversations

Disagreements over politics or opinions often turn tense, leaving many unsure how to handle them. A Harvard professor, originally from Russia, has studied why these clashes feel so personal—and how to make them more productive. Their research reveals that people quickly assume the worst about those they disagree with, judging them as less intelligent, less fair, and even less moral.

The professor, a liberal academic, found themselves in a tricky conversation with their father-in-law—a conservative Army veteran—about immigration. Both held strong but opposing views, creating a high-risk moment for misunderstanding. Instead of avoiding the topic, they tried a different approach.

Their research shows that most Americans now see political discussions as stressful and disrespectful. Many lack the tools to keep these conversations from turning sour. The key, according to the professor, is to drop assumptions about the other person’s intelligence, fairness, or character before engaging. They define a constructive disagreement as one where both sides leave willing to talk again. The goal isn’t to change minds but to keep the relationship intact. By focusing on mutual respect rather than winning, even deeply divided people can find common ground.

The professor’s method doesn’t erase differences but offers a way to discuss them without hostility. Their experience with their father-in-law proved that even polarising topics can be handled with care. For many, this approach could make difficult conversations less daunting—and more worthwhile.

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